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WORDS, GLORIOUS WORDS

I am a scavenger, a collector by habit and heredity...
I collect words, phrases that I like, that (excuse the corny expression) touch something inside me, that make me feel something.

Several of the poems are made up almost entirely of these phrases that I collected over the years, during my surrealisist poetry phase.

HEL

I am a part of you, I am all of you.
I am hidden beyond the eyes of human kind
Of and within both worlds,
Yet existing in neither.

I am the infinite shadowlight.
I am the night of nothing and everything,
The twilight realm when stars shine brilliant
With the spectrum of unimagined hues.

I am the half-light before time began,
My breath is the mourning mist.
I am the unseen order of chaos.
I am the quickening of the soul.
I am the language of thoughts and birds.
It’s the words I don’t say that mean the most
Crystalline in the mind,
Mercurial in the dark.

I am the soul of poets,
The lover of dawn,
And the light of all worlds.
I am the darkness so heavy it bleeds.

LITTLE SPROUT

In my belly, dark and hollow
Lives a little seed I swallowed

It traveled down one summer day
And now I fear it’s there to stay

Soon the little seed will sprout
And everybody will find out

The price you pay for gluttony:
Watermelons from your belly button(y)

14 June 2007

TOO LONG IN BLOOMING

give me a rainbow
for me to display
a badge of honour
beneath my skin
proof that I am living
that I am not afraid
of the aches and pains of life
of making mistakes
of flying face first down a rocky path


11 March 2007

THE ENDLESS FASCINATION OF DESIRE

we’re all born a little damaged, bitter sweet and twisted
trying to replace a love that never existed
i want the one i cannot have
so i’ll kiss you as you start to fade away

i would give you wings so you could fly
but you’re already gone, as far as you can go without leaving
let me feel just one more time what it’s like to feel alright
then i’ll kiss you as you start to fade away

 

i never felt alone until i lost you
once again the stranger with a pocket full of poses
another pretty face, wearing the mask you made for me
but i’ll kiss you as you start to fade away

if you remember me tomorrow in a haze of mourning mist
remember me as a time of day,
as the half-light before time began
when i kissed you, as you started to fade away

A DARKNESS SO HEAVY IT BLEEDS

You never see them, but they're always on my back
I twirl, I spin, I fling myself
into the darkest corner of the room
A veil of furry sunspots trails close behind
They're always there
I can't escape them
They're the texture of my reflection
A mind intentionally left blank
Astroturf over the grass
We have done the cycle --
Imagination creates reality destroys imagination
Part of me knows it
in that place in the back of my mind
where obsolete memories are kept.
They're there.
I cannot deny the reality of my illusions.
Like a circle of juggling screaming Buddhas.
squooshy and unexpected
Eating slugs as snack food
Twirl the blade
Bite the rosy finger
I can feel them
They're watching
They're waiting
for the moment birds fly with no motion
for the rip in my senses
exploding in a fit of boredom
radiantly, immediately
strands fluttering away
Wings stuck on liquid guillotines
crooked smiles appeased as severed heads
roll past with vials of lightning
stapled to their teeth --
Pop the cork
it seeps through the cracks
naked floorboards
hosed off weekly.
If the lightning doesn't get me the thunder will
snap me back
into Reality
the stuff emptiness is made of
I think
I am frozen
I cannot move
until someone pulls my strings
Then I shudder
Shake
Shriek
I'd die just to be free
of the strings...
the strands...
train of thought.
Train my thoughts
Can't let them get away
So sound of mind not free to create
This is my burden,
my right to deny.
Shotgun over my shoulder.
It only takes one word
to blow them away.
It will blow my mind
but I must match my reality to someone else's illusion.
Go with the flow.
Can’t make waves or they'll drown me.
Fake it.
Hide it.
Can't let you see
the darkness inside me,
the darkness that binds me.
A darkness so heavy it bleeds.

DARKLY

I sometimes feel a hell within myself
Deeper than I want it to be
Shadows coat my body as I move
Pearly black
Inside these walls
I hate what I've become
What I've chosen to be
I wake up late at night
Surrounded by blackness

So still

So quiet

So dark

I'm not afraid of monsters anymore
There are worse things hiding in the shadows
Like me

23 October 2001

I DREAM OF DARKNESS AND I DREAM OF YOU

As light comes slowly to the summer skies
And stars trickle through the shadows
I dream of darkness and I dream of you.
We are nothing.
We are everything.
We are pure form, perfection in the mist.
Do you feel yourself in this dream?
Is it yours too or only mine?
In your presence, even my shadow acquires the sensation of touch,
It feels like thunder when you're near.
On a night like this, nothing should keep me from you,
Dancing barefoot through gossamer clouds.
When all my will is gone you hold me,
Secure anchorage for a lonely soul.
I've given up holding onto the ground,
Because heaven won't come my way again
When this dream of ours sinks back into memories,
Chasing the fade of night into pearl grey morning light.
Waking to a distant sound like thunder
I go out alone on the hills and listen.

6 October 2002, new moon

I WAS BORN KNOWING

I was born knowing
That I would always be alone
For all my life
I learned early on
The way of the world
Violence without sense
Barely contained
Barely there
Too polite to express
What I truly felt
Pushed so far down
For so long
It took everything else
With it
There's nothing left
I don't know what I am
What I'll be
If I died this very minute
I wouldn't feel a thing
Because death is only an illusion
Caused by lack of motion
But I haven't moved in years
The girl I used to be is gone
She left me because she wanted to
And I can't follow
I don't know the way
To where I want to be

23 October 2001